Monsters—from the Id!

I sprint up the steps, reach the door, and knock softly, slipping quietly into the room when I hear the muffled “Come in.” Tony’s sitting on his bed in a pair of low-rise briefs. I would’ve thought he’d get dressed after I called him and said I needed to talk to him, but I’m not going to let that distract me.

“I came over to apologize,” I blurt out before I lose my nerve.

“For what?”

“For what I did the other night.” For what I did at that fucking party, I silently add. “I…well…I didn’t know that was going to happen.” I sit down on the bed next to him. “I’ve never been drunk before.” When it comes to life experience, there are obvious disadvantages to being a goody two-shoes all through high school.

He shrugs. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” I say putting my head in my hands. “I thought I was done with that shit.”

“But you—and we—”

“I know what happened.” I remembered pressing my body against his, our lips meshing, tongues sliding over each other. “I remember all of it.”

“You just said you’ve never been drunk before. I’ve made out with drunk guys before. It just happens sometime. No big deal.”

I pull my face out of my hands and look into his eyes—those dark, mesmerizing eyes—and I remember both how it felt that night and why it’s hitting me so hard. “Look, you don’t know the whole story. I’m not even sure I know how to tell it.”

He slips an arm around me. I know he’s doing it to be friendly, but it’s stirring up feelings I’m not sure I want. “Seems like you want to talk about it,” he says softly. “I’m not gonna judge you.”

Suddenly, I find myself telling Tony about the previous summer and the first time I fell in love with someone, how that someone was another guy, and how that revelation and our subsequent breakup fucked me up emotionally and mentally to the point where I ended up in the hospital puking up a bunch of pills. I tell Tony about talking to my best friend about what happened and my friend introducing me to a girl he knew who he said was a good listener. I talk about how, over the rest of the summer, Lisa and I got closer, doing the long-distance dating thing when I made the five-hour drive back to campus in the fall, finally getting engaged over winter break.

“That’s why Mike and Rick had that party?”

“They called it a combination engagement and bachelor party. You know them—any excuse to get drunk.” I shrug and stand up. “Anyway, thanks for listening. I should go.”

“You don’t have to.” He stretches out on his bed. I hadn’t seen much of his body through his clothes (which never came off at the party), but now I’m getting the full view, and despite myself I find I’m enjoying every second of it, especially the bulge in his skimpy underwear. He knows I’m watching, but he doesn’t say anything, just closes his eyes. I think of that movie scene where Dustin Hoffman says, “Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me,” but then follows it up with “Aren’t you?” because he has no real clue. That’s me right now. I can’t tell if Tony’s trying to get me to make a move, and if he is, I don’t know if I should go for it or stay faithful to Lisa. Then my hormones take over, and before I can stop myself, I’m reaching for his underwear and pulling it down.

“That’s why Mike and Rick had that party?”

“They called it a combination engagement and bachelor party. You know them—any excuse to get drunk.” I shrug and stand up. “Anyway, thanks for listening. I should go.”

“You don’t have to.” He stretches out on his bed. I hadn’t seen much of his body through his clothes (which never came off at the party), but now I’m getting the full view, and despite myself I find I’m enjoying every second of it, especially the bulge in his skimpy underwear. He knows I’m watching, but he doesn’t say anything, just closes his eyes. I think of that movie scene where Dustin Hoffman says, “Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me,” but then follows it up with “Aren’t you?” because he has no real clue. That’s me right now. I can’t tell if Tony’s trying to get me to make a move, and if he is, I don’t know if I should go for it or stay faithful to Lisa. Then my hormones take over, and before I can stop myself, I’m reaching for his underwear and pulling it down.